Get my Postpartum Playbook
Motherhood is beautiful, but let’s be honest—it can also be emotionally exhausting. The postpartum period is full of ups and downs, and no two journeys are the same. While some moms describe immediate joy and connection, others quietly struggle with bonding, breastfeeding, hormonal changes, and navigating a new identity. If you’re feeling like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, you are not alone—80% of new mothers experience the “baby blues” after giving birth, and around 1 in 7 women will face postpartum depression. These numbers show how common it is, but still, so many moms feel isolated in these feelings.
I want to share both the struggles and triumphs I’ve experienced postpartum—not as a professional nurse (though that background certainly informs me), but as a mom who has cried, questioned herself, and also come out the other side stronger. My hope is that if you’re reading this, you’ll feel like you’re chatting with a friend who understands.
When I had my first baby, I thought breastfeeding would be natural—just latch and go. Reality hit hard. My baby struggled to latch, I was in pain, and I cried more times than I can count. I was determined to make it work because I felt like it was my duty as a mother. I’ll never forget one night when I was sobbing and my husband suggested switching to formula. He wasn’t trying to hurt me; he just wanted to take away the pain he saw me in. But to me, giving up felt like failure.
The truth is, breastfeeding is a learning process for both mom and baby. And it’s emotional. Becca Kufrin, from The Bachelorette, even shared publicly how much she struggled with breastfeeding her son. That honesty matters, because it reminds us that even moms who “seem to have it all together” have challenges, too.
If you’re breastfeeding and it feels impossible, here are some practical things that helped me:
- See a lactation consultant early. Even one visit can completely change your experience.
- Don’t push through unbearable pain. There’s almost always a reason for it—poor latch, tongue-tie, positioning—that can be fixed.
- Remember “fed is best.” If you do end up switching to formula or combination feeding, you are not failing. You’re feeding your baby—that’s success.
The Emotional Highs and Lows After Birth
Hormones after pregnancy are no joke. One minute you’re euphoric, staring at your baby in awe, and the next you’re crying because you feel like you’ll never sleep again. I remember after both of my births, I would replay the labor and delivery over and over in my head. With my second, this was even more intense because the birth was so traumatic—I delivered in under an hour and couldn’t get an epidural. I wasn’t prepared for that level of pain, and I carried the shock of it with me for weeks.
That’s why I now recommend journaling or recording your birth story while it’s still fresh. Even if you never share it, it gives you a way to process your emotions and reflect on those once-in-a-lifetime moments you’ll never get back.
Another tip: take small videos or voice memos postpartum. You don’t need to film the actual birth, but documenting snippets of those early days—the baby’s first cry, your first family cuddle, will give you something meaningful to look back on when those emotions settle.
Navigating the Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression
It’s normal to feel weepy, irritable, or disconnected in the first couple of weeks. This is the “baby blues” and affects up to 80% of moms. But when those feelings don’t go away—or when they grow heavier—that’s when it could be postpartum depression (PPD).
Signs that it may be more than baby blues:
- Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
- Persistent crying or sadness beyond 2 weeks
- Struggling to bond with your baby
- Intense anxiety or intrusive thoughts
- Withdrawing from your partner or support system
If any of these sound familiar, please reach out to your OB, midwife, or healthcare provider. Many can refer you to therapists who specialize in postpartum mental health. I didn’t even know these specialists existed until recently, but they can be life-changing. Getting help is not weakness—it’s strength.
The Strain on Relationships Postpartum
One of the hardest things about my first postpartum experience wasn’t just learning to care for a baby—it was navigating my marriage during that time. I was exhausted, hormonal, and constantly frustrated with my husband. I felt like he wasn’t doing things “the right way” and I carried so much resentment. We had more arguments in those first months than in our entire marriage combined.
By my second baby, I learned to let go of the need to control everything. My baby was safe, loved, and fed—even if my husband didn’t swaddle the way I did or forgot the pacifier. That perspective made the second postpartum experience so much more manageable.
If you’re struggling with your partner postpartum, here’s what helped me:
- Communicate openly. Don’t assume they know what you need—say it.
- Pick your battles. If it’s not dangerous, let it go.
- Make couple time. Even 10 minutes at night to talk without distractions helps.
The Emotional Rollercoaster of Motherhood: When Bonding Doesn’t Happen Right Away
There’s so much pressure on moms to feel an instant connection with their baby. Some do, but many don’t. And that’s okay. With my second, I didn’t feel the deep connection right away. I loved him, of course, but it took time to really fall in love with him as his personality emerged. Now, at three months, his giggles and coos melt me—but it wasn’t instant.
Think of bonding like planting a seed. For some, it blooms right away. For others, it takes consistent watering and time before it blossoms. If you’re struggling, don’t label yourself as a “bad mom.” You’re human. Your bond will grow.
Practical ways to nurture bonding:
- Skin-to-skin contact (not just in the hospital—keep doing it at home!)
- Babywearing, which keeps your baby close and regulated
- Talking and singing to your baby, even when they can’t respond
- Giving yourself grace—bonding doesn’t have a deadline
Coping Tools That Actually Help Postpartum
Here are some specific, practical things that made a difference for me:
- Journaling: Write down your thoughts, even the dark ones. Seeing them on paper takes away their power.
- Support groups: Online or local, talking with moms going through the same stage is validating.
- Gentle movement: Walking outside, stretching, or simple yoga can reset your mood.
- Asking for help: Let someone else do the laundry, cook, or watch the baby while you nap.
- Sleep swaps: Taking turns with your partner for night feeds (or using pumped milk/formula) can make both of you more sane.
Final Encouragement
Motherhood is full of emotional struggles, but also incredible triumphs. The first giggle after weeks of crying, the first time you realize you’re not terrified of bath time, the first stretch of sleep longer than three hours—these victories matter. If you’re in the thick of it, please know it won’t always feel this hard.
Whether your journey looks like mine, Becca Kufrin’s, or your own unique version, what unites us is that we are all navigating uncharted territory. Give yourself permission to struggle, but also permission to celebrate your triumphs. You are not failing—you are mothering.
